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Pirate Jokes

Pirate jokes are a way to lighten the mood of any land lubber. Yes, ye varmint, even you may learn to tell bona fide pirate jokes just like the seadogs of old. You may be the dirty son of a biscuit eater, but at least with a few pirate jokes in ye, you'll at least have a sense of humor.


So, avast ye scurvy dog and avail yourself of the joke booty we'll listed on this page. These pirate jokes may be silly, corny and downright smartassinus but who gives a barnacle's behind. They're free. So, don't look a gift pirate joke in the mouth, you lily livered parrot kisser and just enjoy what is before ye.

Pirate Jokes - Top 30

What's a pirate's favorite socks? Arrrrgyle.

What does a pirate think happens at the end of time? Arrrrmageddon.

What's a pirate's favorite food? Arrrrrtichokes.

What's a pirate's favorite basketball move? Jump hook.

How do pirates make their money? By hook or by crook.

Why do pirates make excellent fishermen? They know how to hook the big ones.

Where do pirates find their birds? Parrots Without Partners.

Did you hear about the pirate's parrot that fell in love with a duck? The bird kept saying, "Polly wants a quacker".

Why couldn't the young pirate see the R-rated movie? There was no parrot-al guidance.

Why should pirates work for FedEx? They have the fastest ships in the shipping business.

What's it called when a pirate's sloop runs aground? It's ship out of luck.

Why don't pirates use a safe deposit box? They put their valuables in Davy Jones' Locker.

Who's the pirate's favorite actress? Diane Cannon.

Why did the pirate refuse to say, "Aye, Aye, Captain"? Because he's only got one eye.

What's the pirate's favorite restaurant? Trick question because it's either Jolly Roger or Long John Silver's.

How could the pirate acquire the ship so cheaply? Because it was on sail.

Why did the pirate not learn how to bowl? He had a severe hook.

Who was the pirate's favorite musician? Carlos Bandana.

Why couldn't the pirate stop thinking about sailing? He had ship for brains.

What has 12 arms, 12 legs and 12 eyes? A dozen pirates.

What are the only notes a pirate can sing? High C's [seas]

What shivers at the bottom of the sea? a nervous wreck

Why don't pirates take a bath before they walk the plank? They'll just wash up on shore later

What's the smelliest part of a pirate ship? the poop deck

What grows out of a pirate's head? corsair [coarse hair]

What's the worse nightmare for a pirate on a blind date? a sunken chest with no booty


More Pirate Jokes

If you know any good pirate jokes, then send them in. If your pirate joke happens to tickle our funny bone then we'll publish it on the site for others to see.


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