Arrrr, matey, so you
came here looking for a pirate treasure map did ye? Well, you came
to the right place. A pirate treasure map is a valuable asset for
any self-respecting swashbuckler to have.
Pirate Treasure Map
Even if you have no
self-respect whatsoever, a pirate treasure map can serve to bolster
up yer sagging self-esteem.
Be that as it may,
Robert Louis Stevenson said it best in his book Treasure Island,
when he said, "X marks the spot!"
No, good authentic pirate treasure map is complete without a large
"X" to mark the spot of the hidden booty. Of course, perhaps
it was KC and the Sunshine Band who said it best when they said,
"Shake, shake, shake, shake your booty!"
But, once again, I digress (which is probably what you've come
to expect from me if you've read any other of these pages). Finding
a pirate treasure map is a difficult task indeed, matey, since they
are not on the open market. A few black market pirate treasure maps
used to exist, but the treasure chest
and booty was long gone and those maps were useless.
Rumor has it that a pirate treasure map from the 1700's with treasure
still buried is being stored under lock and key in a high-security
underground vault in the middle of London. By all accounts, this treasure
map shows the whereabouts to around $12 billion worth of gold bullion
by today's current market value. But, since no one is getting their
hands on this pirate treasure map, it is best just to make yer own.
In order to make your own pirate treasure map, you'll first need
to acquire some pirate's treasure. The first place for any good
matey to look for pieces of eight or nine is eBay. If this doesn't
work, then perhaps a midnight ninja raid of Fort Knox is in order.
Insider trading is another avenue for pirated wealth.
Once you've acquired a handsome pirate's ransom, the next step
is to bury it. The island of Tortuga would be an obvious choice,
but then again, the treasure may be found too easily here. Another
choice may be St. John's or Barbados or one of the thousand other
little island in the Caribbean.
After burying the booty, be sure to refer to your global positioning
device for longitude and latitude coordinates that you'll need when
creating your very own authentic pirate treasure map. Now, start
taking notes and jotting down landmarks as you're walking away from
the booty and chart yer course all the way home.
Now, that you've got a rough draft of a bona fide pirate treasure
map, you'll wish to transcribe it onto something more authentic.
Use a charcoal stick and some artist's paper to draw your treasure
map, then crumple it and bake it with the oven preheated to 350-degrees
for about 5 - 7 minutes.
Now, that you've achieve a brown and crumpled authentic pirate
treasure map you have two options. First, you may wish to bury it
in the backyard or local park so that someone someday may just find
you map and pursue the treasure. Or, you can jump back on eBay and
sell it to the highest bidder. You may even want to have the document
notarized at the local bank and authenticated by the regional treasure
No matter which choice you make my fine and friendly buccaneer,
be assured it is the right one, because a pirate's decision is always
the right decision. Just ask any scallywag if this isn't so.